I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
