I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just pee around me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
