she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
