What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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