She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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