Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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