you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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