I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
