ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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