Small penises have feelings too.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
