Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
