This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
