Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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