ugly people sure do ruin things
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
