My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
