It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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