I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
