Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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