my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
