After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
3pm strippers are depressing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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