We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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