Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
