Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
