he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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