Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
