Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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