Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize