the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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