If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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