I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
