One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
