So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The Olympian is in my bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
