Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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