her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
