atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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