She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
