mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
