is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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