If i come over, it means nothing
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
