I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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