I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
