god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
