You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
