So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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