So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
