My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
