that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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