Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
