another moral hangover. fuck.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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