clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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