I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
