sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
