I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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