bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
