dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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