Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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