that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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