Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
