Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
