I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
