Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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