im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
