3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
