Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
