Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
