At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
