we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
