9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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