I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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